Since my life is way to complex to go and explain all things. I'm going to pretend as if you already know me. Here is my first confession which was burdening my heart as I was watching my little brothers at swimming lessons today.
So I have come to realize that I have become calloused to the pain that I cause my mother. Granted, she isn’t perfect and we don’t always get along, but when I cause her pain by talking harshly, I don’t think I feel remorse like I should.
Also, with Jared. How I treated him was a crime of passion. It wasn’t knowledge, love, or understanding. It was loathing and hatred. I treated him and the military as if they hold no intrinsic value to society. And what’s even worse is that, although my sorrow is genuine, I expect him to forget about it, heal his heart quickly and get over it. When really he is thinking, “the very person who I love so dearly, who made my life fall completely apart, wonders why I can’t get it together.”
I guess the evils of my own heart are being revealed. I hate seeing it because it seems as though the hurt that I have caused all these people is irrevocable. How can I begin to show my mother love piled on top of twenty years of meanness. How can I begin to show the love of my life, my one and only, that my remorse is real and heal his heart of the pain in which I have put him through. How can I begin to put my mother’s world, and my lover’s world back together when I don’t even understand my own.
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