Deeper than that...

I was doing another Esther bible study when God revealed a little piece of a soon-to-be revelation.

The story was about how there was an edict issued in Persia to kill all of the Jews and when this happened, Mordecai and the rest of the Jews put on sackcloth and were mourning and wailing bitterly. When Mordecai went to the King's Gate, some maids and eunuchs told Esther (Mordecai's Cousin, who raised her) about Mordecai outside and what he was doing.

Whenever Mordecai told her of the edict that was issued by the King, Esther felt distressed and sent him new clothes to wear instead of sackcloth and ashes. Mordecai refused.

This is kind of what I have been doing with Jared. See, esther made no inquiry into what was wrong with Mordecai until he refused the clothes. But, Mordecai resisted the trivial treatment for his condition. And although Esther's deep concern for Mordecai was real, her remedy was wrong. He needed more than a change of clothes.

The same goes with Jared. If an injured heart covered with sackcloth and ashes isn't treated, it will manifest it's pain somewhere else. A superficial "boyfriend" & "girlfriend" title isn't the right remedy for the pain that was inflicted over the last semester. The problem is a world deeper than that. A title is a trivial treatment for the real problem and although my deep love and concern for Jared is real, my remedy that I am offering is wrong. He needs more than that.

Often times we are tempted to offer a quick fix to a problem before we even hear about it. Offering a quick fix to a hurting person can be more appealing to us than listening at length to the depth of his or her despair.

I feel like I did that with Jared because listening patiently would/will make me uncomfortable, incompetent, unworthy, helpless, and full of saddness and guilt. But I realize that I cannot apply a superficial dressing to a mortal wound.

I realize that if people around us helped us avoid every possibly unpleasantry, fixed every hangnail, and anesthetized every headache for us, we'd quit learning how to deal with difficulty. We'd forget how to cope and we'd crush under the least inconvience.

See, strength comes from muscle and muscle develops from working out. This is true spiritually and physically. My love for Jared used to be... dare I say... "superficial" or "infatuation." It was all about the butterflies, and the daydreaming.

And as painful as this process may have been and will continue to be of the tearing and healing of Jared and I's "relationship." It was definately necessary. That which shatters superficiality also shatters the fetters of our fragility and frees us to walk with dignity and might to our destinies. Instead of being some fragile flower, Jared and I are and will continue to forever be warriors of God. Instead of claiming a "superficial" love we will have a Strong relationship (with huge muscles!!! lol) and full of the real love, understanding, patience, and endurance that our destiny... whatever that may be... will require!